I am pretty good at many things. I am super at a very few, but I am confident I have one gift that exceeds all others’ abilities…becoming ensnared on any given protuberance anywhere at anytime with a frequency inversely proportional to the physical probability of such occurrence.

If I have a loop, a strap, a thread, a belt, a hangnail etc. on my person at any time, it will find a doorknob, a cabinet pull, a nailhead, a car door, a twig, a fixture…any stationary object, really. I have gotten stuck to a bathroom stall door with the magnet in my bag. I have ripped open a pocket on a cabinet knob. I have been clotheslined by catching my purse strap on a fence post. I have been tethered to my car by my belt buckle catching on my seatbelt. And that was just last Thursday. I’m not clumsy, but I apparently don’t give anything a wide enough berth. Ever. Apparently I’m so efficient in my conservation of movement, I can hang a loose sweater thread on a wall mounted pencil sharpener. True story.

I think Newton might have had a law about it.  Call it Law of Motion1b: Barbara in motion will tend to find and adhere to an object not in motion to the general amusement of onlookers.

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