It’s not that I hold a grudge, it’s more like I strangle the life out of it. Then I relish vengeance and vindication due me. Here are some that are still come readily and joyfully to mind:
1. 1978, First Grade: Mrs. Hedgepeth would not let me go to the bathroom until I had finished my cotton-ball caterpillar. So, I did what any normal 6 year old would do, I created a masterpiece. I also created a mess. As the class filed out for recess, I called Mrs. H back to come admire my magnum opus and my puddle of the floor. That bitch was mine for all of second semester.
2. 1991, Heated Scrabble Game. It might not surprise you that I hate to lose. I played the word “zeitgeist,” hitting the triple letter on Z, a double word score and using all of my letters. It was worth points that can only be expressed with an exponent. Eric challenged. I was affronted. “Zeitgeist” in his woefully provincial 1980 Webster’s dictionary (that was before the inter web) was capitalized. Everyone knows all German nouns are capitalized, and zeitgeist had long been accepted in English usage for some time. I point it out every time I see it in print, uncapitalized, thank you very much.
Incidentally, I’m starting a petition to Words with Friends to add the following as acceptable:
TRIMGUT, LIMPVEG, and FROGROT
3. 1995ish, A spirited debate (and by spirited, I do mean induced by spirits of the alcoholic sort) about whether or not there was a cupcake called Hoot n’ Toot, similar to Suzy Qs and Ding Dongs. I was the source of much ridicule for the next 15 years. Hoot n’ Toot was the Bigfoot of my social circle, the giant squid. Until, Google proved otherwise–incontrovertible evidence of the Hoot n’ Toot. Note: I have been accused of planting this post and laying in wait for 7 years to unveil it. It actually does sound like something I might do.
Point is, if you don’t want to end up the subject of my blog–just assume I’m right, and no one gets hurt.