Snooty Wear

Yes, my own line of snooty t-shirts with a judgmental finger-waggling graphic, printed up to say…

1. “You are wearing workout clothes, and yet you must park in the fire lane because you can’t summon the energy to walk your ample backside across the parking lot? Irony. Look it up.”

2.“It’s customary to suspend your cell phone conversation long enough to say ‘thank you’ if I hold the door open for you.”

3. “I don’t appreciate your nose there.” This one is to wear around my dog.

4. “I know it’s French and all, but the ‘R’ in RSVP means to respond either yes or no.”

5. “If you insist on posting pictures of food you are about to eat on Facebook, you must also post the after pictures…post-colonic. Maybe then you’ll stop. For the love of all that’s holy, please stop.”

6. “If you are going to assert that America is the best country ever, you have to at least have visited another one.”

7. “My family values include judgment, derision, and unabashed mockery.”

8. “I really could have used the extra time waiting for you to turn in front of me with no turn signal to think up another clever t-shirt.”

9. “As a matter of fact I am inside, refusing to open the door for you to discuss my salvation. But it’s nice that you cared enough to stop by.”

10. “My mother told me not to talk to strangers, or people on airplanes, or people who are uninteresting.”

5 thoughts on “Snooty Wear

  1. What, nothing on pajamas as acceptable public attire?

    The turn signal thing really bugs me. It is SO EASY to use and yet very few people do it. I have always wanted to install a bullhorn on my car so I can call these people out. ‘Hey you in the such-and-such car, get over your laziness and use your turn signal!’

    • You have a future in snooty wear slogans. Also the people who pull out in front of you causing you to slam on your brakes, and there is no one behind you for miles.

  2. I’d love to have a T-shirt that reads: “Everything I need to know about other countries I learned form movies in which we kill villains from them” … however, I fear the irony would be lost and I’d end up being derided and jeered by liberals and get “Hell yeah!” thumbs-up action from conservatives.

  3. One I neglected, “Forgive me for failing to recognize your qualifications as a criminal law expert and constitutional scholar. You did, after all, watch a bunch of Law & Order.”

    Ooh, this is fun.

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