Turns Out, I Don’t Love a Parade

mickey-mouse-party-ideas-21678345There are a few things that are just accepted as widely adored, like puppies and rainbows. But there are a few things that are just presumed adored, and if it’s one thing I hate, it’s presumption.

1. Parades. The whole concept is weird–standing there and watching people pass you by. I don’t like the metaphor.

2. DisneyWorld/Land/Universe, whatever. I don’t like rides, crowds, or metal gates herding me as if to slaughter. I also find adults in costumes strangely unnerving (That one’s for you, Amy). That mouse is suspect. Did you ever notice no matter which way he turns, his ears are ALWAYS forward? It’s like he’s listening for dissent is his kingdom of mandatory cheerfulness.

Eric and I once came close to divorce on Disney property, and cheery minions were dispatched to address the situation. “We’ve got a domestic situation in ToonTown! Smiles on, people. This is not a drill!” I don’t like contrived fun or forced happiness. And if you’ve visited France at Epcot, it’s really not like being in France. At all. I wonder what wins–staying in Disney character and being robotically happy or acting the part of a Frenchman and being rude? I bet their heads explode at the prospect. Just go to France, you’d probably save money. And they’re not rude, they hate the presumption that everyone speaks English and takes US dollars. My kind of people.

3. Cruises. It’s me and 5000 of my closest friends! Except they are not my friends. They are the people that populate my personal hell. I just need more in my day than filling the space between meals. Oddly Disney Cruises sound more appealing than the component parts by themselves. Still…

4. Goodnight, Moon I do not understand the appeal to this book whatsoever. It is the worst example of poetry ever. There is no standard rhyming scheme, and sometimes she sets you up for the obvious rhyme like with “Goodnight, comb” and then just as you are expecting “Goodnight, garden gnome…” nothing. It’s like the sneeze that just won’t happen. Instead she goes from comb to brush (and who needs both?) near a bowl of mush (unsanitary). And why isn’t that old lady up and about cleaning up the mush? I guess that’s why the mouse was attracted to the scene in the first place. And how is it that rabbits and kittens and mice are co-habitating anyway? And what’s up with that balloon?

3 thoughts on “Turns Out, I Don’t Love a Parade

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