Star-distressed

Eric and I have been married 17 years, and yet there are still depths of Eric’s psyche that remain unplumbed. One of these is an unexplained aversion to Julianne Moore. Yes, the actress, and no, he doesn’t know her. And yet, he will go out of his way to avoid her movies, ads, etc. I decided to try to unearth the root cause.

She’s a good actress, that is not in dispute. But there is something about her near-translucent skin that is unnerving. I dug deeper. Her gums. There is something unnatural about her gums. Fair enough. See the picture? Weird gums. Non-existent gums. Like teeth coming out at ¬†you with no warning.

So, I started examining my own celebrity aversions, and came up with the 2 people I really can’t stand and can’t really say why: Nicholas Cage and Cameron Diaz. With Nick, it’s got to be the hang-dog, mouth breathing. It worked in “Raising Arizona” but not since. Cameron is just someone I feel deserves a punch in the face. No particular reason–she could just do with one. Nickeron offspring would be the end of me.

According to the people at Morphthing.com, this is what a baby Camge would look like, receding hairline, mustache, angular jaw and all. See, already can’t close his/her mouth. Frightening!

So I asked Eric about his male star aversion, and he came up with…Stanley Tucci. Stanley Tucci? That’s what you come back with? That’s like saying you don’t like capers (which he doesn’t). They just don’t feature often enough to warrant a statement that you don’t like them. I sent him back for a better answer. He seconded his dad’s weird aversion to Al Pacino. Could celeb-aversion be hereditary? I see a pattern against mob movie character actors emerging.

I’m curious to know what inexplicable biases snooty readers have. You don’t need a justification. In fact, it’s better if you have no valid reason, whatsoever. Clearly Rachael Ray is odious and grating. That’s too easy. I need to know who you can’t abide on a visceral level, though they are probably a lovely person.