I reserve extra snobbery for books. They take up a good portion of my evening, and I was a literature major; so I feel especially empowered to be judgmental. As if I needed license.

I’m in 2 book clubs and try to fit in my own selection too, so that’s a minimum of 3 books a month, 66% of which are not my choice. I pick them up anyway and read them. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised. Other times, not. But love it or hate it, as long as it qualifies as something worth having a conversation over, I’m good.

Then there are those that pass as “books.” It’s really more like People magazine without pictures. Here’s a hint it’s not a real book…it’s trending on Yahoo searches, one or more characters is undead, or people are reading it on mass transit. If the masses are are interested, it probably doesn’t pass the snoot test. That’s the definition of snoot, people.

I am really fine if you want to read them on your own time and try to hunt for a plot or make extrapolations about how the author really meant to develop the character. I’m especially fine if you want to practice your editing skills by adding proper punctuation or correcting spelling mistakes. But please don’t attribute book-like qualities to it and purport to have a serious discussion about the deeper meaning. Just read it for fun and admit that it’s a time-killer between now and the sweet hereafter for you.

I recently read one that was banned from a Florida library for mature content. Oh, the outrage! I’m generally not for censorship, but I might have to make an exception in this case. I’m down with all kinds of questionable content. One of my favorite books of all time is Lolita. So it’s clearly not that. 

I would ban the “book” in question on the grounds that’s it abominably written, gratuitous, and insufferably tedious. On the other hand, banning the book from the library would only put $9.99 more in the hands of the “author” for each prospective “reader” and cost more trees their lives. Also, a good banning is usually an indicator of a really good book, and certainly part of any successful marketing plan. So, I’d hate to accord this one the air of any artistic merits or cultural insurgency on which to be banned. Sigh. Freedom wins by a hair. By all means, go forth and wallow in it.